All the time in the world

At this age of 30s, seeing other friends with their kids, facing series of nights with no good sleeps but later enjoy witnessing the kids growing up, and so much worth to see so many cute things happen in their daily life, no word to describe how I feel about not having the opportunity to experience it myself. The excitement to see their first step, their first word and so many first thing in life, I guess the luck is not at my side…yet.

Not satisfied with the treatment given by An-Nur, I had shopping around for one gynecologist that can advise me on any fertility treatment needed to help me conceive. Idase’s suggestion to see this specialist, Dr. Marshita ended my assumption on what actually the root cause of my problem…I’ve been diagnosed with endometriosis.

What is endometriosis? You can check it online but basically in my own layman’s terms, because of my uterus position which actually a bit lower that must be pushed a bit up to make sure that the monthly menstrual blood is flown out normally. Due to that, egg would stick to remaining blood and indirectly reduces any chance for pregnancy.

Dr. Marshita and her doa each time she does something really impress me, alhamdulillah all smooth for me. Laporotomy two weeks after that and a long medical leave for the next 6 weeks and I have a long ‘TO DO LIST’.

I’ll share more stories since I have all the time in the world…soon…

D’Bank, Jaya Jusco & An-Nur

D’Bank, Wed 25 Feb 2009: 10.10 a.m.

Mem-the-boss called me to cafeteria, revealing her plan to take out some of many tasks from my portfolio.

Mixed feelings…

Apart of me was relief considering few conditions, been tied up with the new system that requires most of my time and attention, not being able to complete business plan for the team that was supposed to be done much more earlier simply for two reasons: no time and no extra help, completely ignoring most of other things just to strictly adhere to the timeline given for the project.

Another part of me, I’d say unhappy. By taking some of the tasks from me reflecting that me not capable to do everything that was tasked to me. I know I put lots of pressure to myself. I put higher benchmark for myself to reach, which I totally forgotten about the limit one has.


Jaya Jusco Midvalley, Wed 25 Feb 2009: 8.30 p.m.

People swarming JJ like no tomorrow, I never been in such crowd. If not for Jimi’s driver that he aimed to buy during JJ members' day, I’d rather be at home thinking thru of what I heard in the morning.

While Jimi and his eagerness for cheap driver exploring JJ’s sport section, me absent mindedly text mem about my feeling. She on a speed of Daphne (please refer to Hero season 3 ya heheh) responded to my SMS, rendering some motivation and advice, relaying her guilty feeling for putting the pressure on me without any help, guilty to the baby too, she said she wanted to fix it. Kept on giving some assurance that ‘capable’ was not the reason, rather, a good team to back me up and soar.

Hmmm I took it positively…so some remedy for that day. I spent ‘some’ money hehehe!!! Blame it on Jimi for dragging me there…tak abis2 nak salahkan Jimi jugak hehehe :D


An-Nur Hospital, Monday 2 March 2009: 10.30 a.m.

Emergency D&C, that’s what doc told me that for any sign of bleeding before my scheduled D&C on Tuesday. Baby had been there long enough after the first discovery of the heartbeat.

Any allergic? Nurse asked. I said no, but Jimi smiled sarcastically. ‘Bukan u allergic kat DAT ke?’ he said immediately after the nurse left the room. Ceh!

At the age of 9 weeks, baby was removed completely from my womb, leaving a great pain, twice of what I suffer every month.

Dare to ask my feeling? Hmmm I didn’t feel anything. Yeah, I cried the first time doc told about the heartbeat, but not the second and third. Probably me and Jimi keep on assuring ourselves that we can make more great babies after this. Wah! Very optimistic hehehe.

I think I am :)