Heartbeat

During Izzul’s aqiqah, my youngest sister told me that I looked a little bit fat and the rest of the siblings teased me it might be a sign of the little one. Seriously I look forward for that…

True as they predicted, my visit to doc end of Jan confirmed it…I did not expect it as no troublesome symptoms except for the tiredness which I thought as a result of heavy workload that somehow leads me to skip breakfast and even lunch. Reach office everyday at about 8 a.m. and only reach home almost at 9.00 p.m. What a life!

I didn’t want to tell the world about it, just too afraid of something that might happen along the way especially during the first trimester. Thought of informing mem-the-boss so she could really understand my situation right now, but the news couldn’t be sealed within the four walls of her room…it was heard from outside and my staff started swarming and congratulating me the moment I walked out from the room.

Ok so they knew about it, I wrote a status on FB giving some clue of the pregnancy…a lot made the correct assumption…so I guess it is just a right timing to tell it here, and I can share some feeling I have right now…

I am worry. My first check-up this morning made me worry. Doc confirmed that there’s a baby based on the ultrasound scan but no heartbeat just yet. It is 6 weeks now and the heartbeat should be there. Not to make any assumption based on the scan, doc has advised for another check up next week. She did mention about my womb is not of its actual structure because of a tiny fibroid but it should be no impact at all to the baby. And to add more worry…the scan revealed another part of my womb that always been bleeding, the answer to a question that always in my mind whenever I got hit by period pain every month.

Oh God, I never had such feeling before, the feeling of really wanting this but nothing much I can do about it. I just want to cry…I pray and I cry…again.